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NO SEX DRIVE: There are many reasons why your libido might leave

It is a story as old as time: couple meet, fall in love, have ridiculous amounts of sex. This turns into a regular amount of sex, then sparing sex and then .

But, why? Even the happiest couples can stop having sex.

“That early stage of intense, romantic love drives up the dopamine system, which in turn increases testosterone and strong libido,” Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, told Men’s Health.

“But over time, attachment becomes more and more powerful and this does not necessarily trigger the sex drive.”

Susan Whitbourne, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts added: “Maybe this is desirable.

“If we spent our days in the throes of all-consuming love fires, we’d never get anything accomplished.”


“Sex can be a lot of work”


Isadora Alman, sex therapist

Susan has a point. When you first meet someone the love and lust is so intense you want to spend all of your free time in bed together, but eventually you have to get out of bed and carve a life together.

This life can throw things at you that in turn get in the way of your sex drive, meaning you and your partner will be having less frequent romps.

So what are the major libido killers? Here are the five biggest culprits.


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STRESSED OUT: Stress is a major factor when it comes to lack of sex drive

1. Stress

One of the biggest reasons couples stop having sex is due to stress. Whether it be from work or family, sex tends to take a step back in terms of priorities.

Sex therapist Isadora Alman told Men’s Health: “Sex can be a lot of work.

“The woman may feel she has to shave her legs, she may need a long time to orgasm—there’s a lot of stuff involved, and sometimes the payoff just isn’t worth it.

“Sometimes she thinks: ‘My vibrator can get me off a lot quicker,’ and he thinks: ‘I can sit and watch porn and get just as hot and feel just as satisfied.’”

2. Lacking libido

While every couple goes through peaks and troughs in their sex life, there can be a discrepancy between how often each partner wants it and how often you actually do it.

In a 2015 study, 128 married men and women were split in to two groups. One of the groups were told to double how often they have sex. This led to a decline in their happiness when sex was treated as an assignment.

Another study found the more kissing on the lips, cuddling and hugging a couple do the more easily they resolved their conflicts.

This increased contact also helps you feel more connected to the other person which in turn can boost your libido.

3. Your past

Research has shown the , the lower the sexual quality, communication and relationship stability is during a marriage.

This is because the more relationships you’ve had, the easier it is to “cut and run” so skills like communication and compromise aren’t developed.

This can lead to the “comparison effect”.

“It’s easy to compare in your mind all these previous experiences you’ve had,” Brian Willoughby, an assistant from Brigham Young University, told Men’s Health.

He said this sense of missing out can eradicate sexual satisfaction with your long-term partner.

4. Comparing your sex life to someone else’s

A study from the University of Colorado asked 15,000 people about their sex lives and concluded if people knew their peers were having more sex than they were, their happiness dipped.

When it comes to sex lives, there’s nothing worse you can do than compare your frequency or preferences in the bedroom to that of another couple.

If you and your partner are happy and enjoy how often and the way you have sex then that’s all that really matters.

5. Kids

“Kids are the most effective libido killers I know of,” Alman said.

The touch from small kids who are constantly wanting attention releases oxytocin, which helps to bond parent and child while also suppressing dopamine and libido, Fisher noted.

A study of sexual desire for women in their 20s found 34% of women without children under the age of six had no sex drive compared to 95% of women who had children in that age bracket.



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